The Korean term ssom (in Korean “썸) refers to the stage where two people take time to confirm each other’s feelings and get to know each other before officially dating. However, since there is no clear, universal standard for what defines ssom, many people experience misunderstandings. To explore this, we interviewed college students about their personal standards for ssom.

Department of Fire Protection Engineering

When asked about his personal standard of ssom, one student replied: “For me, ssom is when someone messages you in the morning and before going to bed. People in love usually share the start and end of their day, right? So, if you’re doing that with someone, I’d say that’s definitely ssome.”

Department of Public Administration

Two students shared differing views: “I graduated from an all-boys middle and high school, so I honestly didn’t meet many girls until college. At first, I’d always wonder, ‘Does she like me?’ I was constantly overthinking it. But now, I believe if you’re frequently texting, calling, and meeting up with someone, that’s a pretty solid sign you’re in the ‘ssom’ phase.” “I see it differently. To me, it’s less about frequency and more about atmosphere. You can talk a lot or hang out often, even with friends. What matters is the content of your conversations — what you talk about, the kind of jokes you share, and whether you open up personally. That’s what defines ssom to me.”

Department of Law

A law student added: “If someone still feels like a friend, then it’s not ssom. There needs to be a bit of cuteness in texts—and sacrifice matters. I once had someone travel two hours to see me, and in that moment, I knew it was ssom. Also, when I start getting texts like ‘What are you doing?’, I know something’s going on. Whether it’s drinks or dinner, it all starts with a simple ‘What are you up to?’ — that’s the beginning of ssom.”

Conclusion:” What Defines Ssom

After collecting these responses, the most reliable standard seems to be sharing long, personal conversations followed by having drinks together. The survey shows that people form their criteria for ssom based on their own environment and experiences, resulting in different interpretations. Since people have different environments and tendencies, these standards are also different from each other. So, what is your own standard for ssom?